Homeschooling Blues...

OK OK!!!! I admit I'm lame. Ruth, my apologies, friend =) Yes, it's been way too long since I've even looked at my blog let alone attempted to post something. It's been a deep seeded fear of mine that what I write will give the reader a sudden urge to nap (because I'm boring), insight anger (because I've said something offensive), or terrify (because I can be a bit on the passionate side...no really, I can be;)) However, I have been encouraged to write anyways...so here it goes.

Autumn...the beauty and splendor of changes leaves and crisp clear mornings. The other thing Autumn brings is a new school year. I enter each year with enthusiasm and a heaping helping of hope and inspiration. I feel revved up and ready to run forward. I feel compelled to get organized, I even sit and prayfully design lesson plans and pray for each of my kids.

Ah...but alas that does not last long, at least not in our home. The leaves are just starting to blanket our lawn and already I feel a sense of frustration at how slow our progress is going. My kids spend more time arguing and ho-humming about their work than actually doing it. And as the earth prepares to hibernate, I am wishing that I, too can hibernate along with it. URGH!!! Instead of the hope I felt just a few short weeks ago, I'm longing for some solitude. (Who are these children and who do they belong to anyways!???) Just trying to write this post has caused so much frustration within me (I will get this finished!!!). I've been interrupted so many times I've lost count. At one point early in this post I counted three interruptions per sentence. It's a wonder I get anything down clearly. What is actually funny about this....well, let's just name it what it is..Whining. I experience this every single year and yet I still go back to it. What do they call that?? I think the word is glutton. ;)

Homeschooling is so very foreign to those who haven't been called to wander down this path but to those of us who have, it's a way of life. In spite of my whinings, grumpy moods, and tears of frustration, I truly do feel privileged and honored to be able to walk along side my children as they grow into the men and woman God has purposed them to be. I realize it requires everything of me to do this but then, what was it I signed up for as mother if not to do everything I've been asked to do to partner with God in raising these precious children? I'm suddenly reminded of the words I frequently heard from my dad during my teenage years...It's not about you...(me). *sigh*

This morning we began our day reading Psalm 139 together and as I listened to my daughter read her verses I was overcome with joy that we could do that at the start of our schooling day. How precious are His thoughts for us...and how He is pleased to see His children willing to answer the call to rise to something they never thought they could/would do, even if it's homeschooling. Thank you Lord!!!

Ruth, you were right...it is therapy. This blogging thing might just be the thing I need to keep my sanity. I guess we'll see. If I'm reading this post right, it does sound like I'm a bit crazy but then crazy is never boring so I can scratch that excuse off my list ;)

Cris

Discouragement...

Ah, that awful word...discouragement. I was reminded yesterday how satan only has a certain number of tools in his toolbox to use to get Christ's devoted to fall but his number one tool is discouragement. How true that is. I've been sitting in a puddle of discouragement for the past 2 weeks as we here of a possible shut down of Ethiopian adoptions or at best a drastic reduction of adoptions allowed from there. We've been in process for a year now and had sent our dossier over in November with hopes of bringing home beautiful treasure by Christmas but that doesn't seem possible at the moment and discouragement has set in. But...God is bigger than these circumstances and I'm choosing not to allow satan to move any closer to us. From the beginning of this process, my husband and I heard loud and clear from God that this was where He wanted us to go but that the road would be very hard. I believe this is our moment to let go and to allow God to do what he does best, move mountains and answer prayer. So in light of all the pain we are moving forward and trusting him above the words that are flying all over about the state of adoptions in that country. We do believe that their government is genuinely trying to do what they believe is best for the children in need but our prayer continues to be that God will show them his divine heart for adoption and that these precious little ones need a family.

We stand with all those who are process along with us as well those who are fervently praying for these children as well as the officials who are making decisions for them.

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefor He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are those who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18

And so we wait, trusting him who is just and compassionate and whose heart is for the oppressed.

Peace,

Cris

Feeling Lost???

Have you ever felt like you have a clear sense of where you're headed? Even have a plan in place to get there. It might like something like this....

I love this. There are arrows pointing either way. I have a choice as to which direction I can go but really there aren't many ways to divert off the grid.

Lately, life feels more like this...

Actually, the name of the region about sums it up. "Lost Creek Wilderness". We may think we have a clear sense of where we are going, we may even be carrying the map with only one direction shown on it. In reality we find ourselves wandering around on a map that looks the one above.

Life has a way of throwing us curve balls. If you look closely at this map you can see several trails that go in a loop. Do you ever feel like you're just going in circles? I do right now. It feels a bit like deja vu. Haven't I been here already? This all looks very familiar to me. Ah, I have been here. Alright, let me get my bearings and then I'll start out on a new trail.

Oh but, isn't that the point? "I'll" start out on a new trail. I've missed something in the times I've been before. God. He's there and he wants to take my hand and show me the path he wants to lead me down.

This season of life has me all over the place searching. I've been knocked around and sidelined a few times. I've been bullied...yes, bullied and have found myself back in highschool. (Scratching my head wondering, "how did this happen?") I've been picked up and wiped off. And I've had a few soft places to land. All of this to show me how little I'm to be in control of. His hand is in all of it, I can see that now. Yes, even the hard places. How else is he going to get my attention? He is wondering where my alliance lies. Will I place my trust in him or will I continue to trust no one but myself? (How well is that working for you, Cris?)

Yesterday I began a study of Jonah. I wasn't looking to study his story. To be honest, I thought I knew what it was about...a man and a big fish. Right? I have seen the Veggie Tales rendition of the story, doesn't that make me an expert? It's only four chapters in the Bible, how much could there be in that book?

I went to search out Beth Moore studies (she keeps me in line with my studies) but I just wasn't feeling any of them this time. Guess it's time to branch out. As I was looking I saw a new study by Pricilla Shirer simply titled "Jonah". Something in me stirred so out of curiosity I went ahead and purchased the video for the first day. I love how God works! I sat in my chair watching this video with tears streaming down my face. Jonah...he's me. I've been called to do some things that seem extremely big and I feel like I don't have the strength to carry out what he wants me to do. So, I've been doing what everyone does when they don't want to face something, they run. Just like Jonah.

I have really good reasons for running. Jonah did too. " The Ninevites? Really, have you seen what those people are up too? They don't deserve your grace, God." Seriously, the thing he wants me to get involved with is no small thing. I often feel like Jonah. How can I be of any help? I lack a good education. Forget about speaking. Heck, I don't feel like I write well either. (Which is the real reason I don't blog much.)

The truth is, I haven't placed enough faith in God to carry out this mission. The Israelites walked out to meet the Philistine army and saw the giant...their strongest warrior, and said,"um, we can't beat that guy. Just look at him! We have no one that even compares to that guy. Bummer, guess we lose." Well, we know what happens. David looked at that big guy and said.."He's so big, I can't miss!" And he didn't. What a powerful victory that day was for the Israelites. Surely, God still brings down giants. Doesn't he still move mountains? How can I miss with God as my commander and chief? These stories aren't there just for little kiddos to hear in their Sunday school classes. They are there to show the mighty hand of God. The deliverer of His people! The strength we need and the power to be his hands and feet here on earth.

That leads me back to my crazy road maps. Going forward, if I'm to have any impact I need to allow him to show which path to travel. Letting him take the lead is vital to success. I know what I need to do but today I'm asking what your Nineveh looks like? Are you running from something that God is leading you to do? There are no small missions. Are you being called to stand up be the mommy you signed up to be? How about supporting your husband even when you don't want to. Are you being called to adopt? To move somewhere else? To go into missions? Change jobs? Are you called to bring food to the homeless? Whatever stirs you, go with it and please don't run!!! Being inside the Big Fish is icky! =) It's time to move out of the stories and start living them!

Bon voyage!

Cris

Where Have I Been???

So, something you should know about me is that I'm not very good at things like journaling and to me this is a lot like journaling. And in keeping with my past record, I'm going to start off this new year with a vow to journal/ blog more often. You can keep me accountable. I might actually stick to it if I knew someone was out there to keep me going.

Something else you might not have known about me is my resistance to technology. It finally began to catch up with me recently when my 13 year old daughter started asking if it was okay if she IM'd people online. This is the year 2011 and my daughter is just now realizing this is something you can do. I'm holding my children back from the wave of technology and I'm thinking that it's not going to serve them well in the future. I guess it's time to join the rest of the world. Gone are face to face interactions, phone calls, drop by's to say 'Hi', etc. So, now we blog, tweet, text, and check Facebook to see if we have any new "friends" and to get "caught up" with how they are doing. Sheesh!!!

I started this blog as a way to keep others up to speed on where we are in our adoption process and to journal my thoughts and feeling about this journey as well. Obviously, there have been things to talk about over the past several months....I'll do my best to capture it all in a hurry.

Really, July???? That was the last entry? Wow! Okay, The summer was busy with camping and lots of playing. We worked on finishing our dossier but had a few bumps in the road. All journeys seem to have these and this one has been bumpy for sure. In July, I became very sick with pneumonia and was laid up for a few weeks with that. My Nanny past away the end of August after almost a year of cancer. I miss her...and my dad. School started up and then we were off racing around with one in private school and the other homeschooling. I realized that almost 3 months had past without our dossier being worked on and frustration began to set in. In October, I was diagnosed with RA which is a form of arthritis. Really??? I'm not even 40 yet. This was a huge blow for me and I had to do some deep searching with God. "Did I hear You right? Are we supposed to be adopting again?" "Why now? Why did this come up now?" I ached, literally....everywhere, and my heart ached for answers. After some wise counsel from a dear friend I was able to pull up my bootstraps and muster enough resolve to fight this thing because that baby that God has waiting for us is OUR baby no matter what.

My Dr. says my RA is what he calls 'on the fringe, outer edges of normal' which means that I'm not in as much pain as others are with this condition. He also told me that becoming a mommy again will actually help matters. It'll make me feel young and having to run after a little one will give me the exercise I need to keep my joints moving freely. Alrighty then, we move onward!

In a matter of a few days our dossier was complete and on it's way to D.C. for authentication and with it I felt a renewed jolt of energy. The next day I received a call from the courier telling me that we needed one more item. WHAT!!!! URGH! Okay, we can handle this. So, with one more bump, and one more week of delays we were off to Ethiopia and officially on the waiting list.

We aren't sure how long this part of the process will take. I'm certain that it is going to require a lot of patience but knowing that God is in control makes the waiting easier. We're hopeful that we'll get to meet our new little one sometime in this new year. Until then, we pray. I go to bed at night thinking about this baby. Is he/she even born yet? What will he/she look like? I imagine what our lives will look like with a new baby around...and it makes me giggle. =)

When we choose to walk the road with Christ, you never know where He's going to take you but you can count on it being exciting getting there. When we first began praying about whether we should adopt again, Travis heard very clearly that this was going to be a hard road to travel but that it was one we were to walk down with Him. It has been hard so far but I've been learning how to lean on Him when I'm frustrated, confused, sad, and hurting. Jesus said," Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30 I believe this is what He's teaching me t doo right now. This is something too big for me and Travis to do alone. He is offering to walk with us in this journey and along the way we will learn to rest in Him no matter the bumps we face.

Cris

Reality

Isn't reality a funny thing? We are masters at creating certain expectations in our minds of how something should or would be. Those of us who are married understand this the moment our honeymoon is over. Don't get me wrong, I love marriage and I am married to the world's most amazing man. He may be reading this. =) However, there came a time when I began to realize that marriage didn't even being to resemble a fairytale, Happily-Ever-After experience. Whoa! You mean there really is work involved? He snores? He really shouldn't eat bean burritos anytime after 4pm. And more importantly, he should just know how I'm feeling, what I need, I shouldn't have to explain everything to him...right?

Reality hits hard sometimes. How about when your first baby arrives? They're soooo cute! Oh my goodness! Nothing could mess up our expectations of these little ones, right? Hmmm. 3am begins to get old, and you never did factor in that it really doesn't matter that you need sleep, too. I remember listening to Bill Cosby years ago, do a skit on having a new baby. When the baby first arrives everyone wants to change the poopy diapers. "Oh would you look at the little poo-poo! Did you make a poo-poo. Choochiecoo. " A couple months down the road it looks more like this. "Oh Man! Again! EWWW!!! Could someone else do this?" You get the picture.

Yesterday, I was visiting with my dear friend, Ruth. I'm so beyond grateful for her friendship. Her wisdom runs deep and her faith runs even deeper. Ruth adopted a BEAUTIFUL baby girl from China nearly 2 years ago. Abigail came along to play with Max and Avery (our dogs). As she entered the house the entire energy of the room changed. She is so delightful to watch. Full of joy and enthusiasm for life. The things she says are hilarious. Seriously, being raised with Three teenage boys is rubbing off on her. Good thing these are good boys =) There is just something magical about being around a toddler. Did I mention that Abigail is just about 3? She brings me joy to be around her! Everything is miracle to her! I ran into them later last night at a restaurant and when she saw me she squealed with excitement over seeing me there! Ah, she knows how to melt her Auntie's heart.

The plan for our visit was to catch up. We have been doing our best to work through a Bible study but sometimes we have to put those plans on hold. When you have a three year old you must always be willing to live on the flex plan. Our time together was spent assisting Abigail up and down the playground, helping her water my flowers, and attempting to give answers to all her "why's", as well as give a demonstration on how to operate a "hoop-a-loop". We did manage to have a conversation. We are women after all, right? We are skilled multi-taskers. Although, we are getting a bit more advanced in our years, just a wee-bit and keeping up requires more energy than we used to have.

I have been wrestling with a few different areas that God is developing my heart for possible ministry and needed her counsel on each one. I have BIG plans! And, of course, I can do it all with a newly adopted baby on my hip. Reality check please! Ruth began to lovingly and wisely point out to me that my life is going to change dramatically. Ministry...isn't being a mom a ministry? URgh! My stinky expectations are getting the better of me again! It won't be long before I will have a little one that requires the better part of all my attention running around our home. The reality of it all was literally running around in our my backyard just to illustrate the point she was trying to make.

All the freedoms I have been enjoying for the past 5 years are going to disappear rather quickly. It made me think about this adoption from a different perspective. I hope one from a closer look at reality. Every aspect of my life is going to change. But on more of a heart level...will our child bond with us? Is the risk worth it all?

Fortunately, I believe it is. Following God is always a risky venture. He doesn't take the safe road to avoid trials. He's always ready for an adventure! And He is always ready to fight for those He loves! When we agreed to following Him across the world to rescue one of His beloved's, we agreed to all that it should be, would be, could be and will be. And if He is asking me lay down my desires to step into a ministry right now I will say yes to that, too. It's all in His timing. Being a Mom is a full-time ministry as it is and why would I want anything more! Look at those cuties! They are worth every distraction, tear, late night, missed date with hubby or friend, etc.

Thanks, Ruth!!! I love you, Girl!

Another Hurtle Cleared!

Just a quick update... We finished our agency paperwork and sent that off this off to them on Monday. Once that packet is reviewed we will be assigned a caseworker and then the REAL fun begins. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the process of adopting outside our country I'll give you an aerial view of what the process looks like and then I'll show you where we are so can have some perspective on all that goes into this journey.

First step is to find an agency that works with the country you desire to adopt from. This is a lot harder than it might seem. There are many agencies but only a small handful that have strong relationships with the country. Once that decision is made you have a rather large packet of legal papers that will cement our relationship with the agency we picked.

Next, you're on to finding a homestudy provider that will spend the better part of two months learning everything there is to know about you and your family. During this process there are doctor appointments, police records are checked, financial documents are reviewed, etc. Basically, they will leave no rock unturned. If there is dirt on you, it will be found out. Once that completed and notarized it is then sent on to your agency for approval.

After that you're on to I N S paperwork to begin the process of getting your child here legally. From what I understand these are difficult papers to fill out and there US forms as well country forms. All these items will build a dossier which will eventually be sent on to your child's country to be translated and reviewed as well as...accepted...then you are sent a referral. This of course, is a brief overview.

Referral day!!!! Very exciting because it's the day we learn what our child looks like and in our case it will also be the day we learn whether we have been blessed with a boy or girl. You receive a picture, in some cases you will receive a dvd of your child, as well basic information. Health, family situation, birthday (if known), etc. On that day, if you happen to hear screaming in the distance, that'll be me rejoicing! There will be some serious celebrating going on! Once we receive that and accept the referral (like we're going to refuse), we wait for a court date to travel to the country to go before the courts to petition for adoption of our child. Once that happens we will be sent back home to wait for finalization and a call telling us we can come pick him/her up and FINALLY bring her home. I'm trying not think too much about this step because the thought of having to leave our precious little one for even a day will tear my heart out.

I'm exhausted just typing all of that and you can imagine (or know first hand ;)) how this process has the potential of draining the life out of you. Thankfully, we don't look at this from the aerial view very often but rather we are taking it one step at a time and celebrating each hurtle cleared along the journey.

We are currently finished with the agency papers but we did one step out of sequence. We already have our homestudy completed. This is HUGE! We will need to wait for our agency to review it and approve then it will need to be notarized. Still, we are deep in the process and I feel strong and hopeful about the rest of the journey. I am certain that I'm in God's will in this and that He set us on this journey. What peace comes to us when we know that we are listening to His voice and walking in obedience to it. He tells us to "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:8a. Gospel.com put it best "The Bible often tells us that when we take a step of faith, God reciprocates by giving us more than we dared to ask for. Here, we are promised that when we simply draw near to God, He responds by drawing near to us with His glorious presence. " Once I was certain that God was drawing us to adopt again I began to ask Him about that. Really?? Are You sure??? Then my prayers became petitions for another child and restored the longing I had always had for a large family. Pictures of several children began to pop into my mind and I'm positive these were from the Lord. "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children." Ps 113:9

You see, before this year, I had been clinging desperately to the hope of giving birth to a baby. I chose to remain in self-pity and; to be honest, self-loathing because I felt like less of a woman. That is such a lie from the pit of hell! Infertility can be an indescribable ache that only those of us who have (and always will) walked in can understand. Satan used that to distort what God intended/intends to use for His GLORY and kept me in a pit of despair for many years. Thank you, Lord for giving me a "hope and a future" Jer 29:11 and for awakening my heart to what YOU want for my life. I've set aside my will and have allowed His to take over and amazing things are happening in my life. Joel 2:25 says, "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten." I'm receiving that promise for my life!!

All that to say, even if this process takes longer than they are telling us, even if things get harder and harder along the way (which they will) I am going to stand firm in the promises He has given me. Our God is still the mountain-moving, miracle-working God of all and I'm waiting and watching for all the ways He's going to take my breath away along this journey. My prayer for all of you reading this is that you, too will allow your breath to be taken away. He is wooing each of us towards Him. Would you give Him a chance to steal your heart and knock your socks off?

With Love,

Cris

How I spend my spare time...

I love youtube! I plug in "gotcha day" in search and then I'm completely engrossed for a while. (I won't tell you just how time I spend watching these:) ) My heart fills with hope when I see these videos. There are 143 million orphans in the world and 4.8+ million in Ethiopia alone. As I watch these videos I see Psalm 68:5-6a coming to life. "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families." You might be wondering "where is God's holy dwelling?" If you need to go back and watch the video again to see what I'm going to say next, please do. I think we miss this point in our everyday life so often. God dwells in us...in our hearts. He is what compels us to do the things we never thought we could. It's he who makes us holy. Not by anything special we did or by any special bloodline we might think we have. When we ask Christ to make his home in our hearts and allow his Spirit to move us as he pleases then amazing things are sure to happen. As you watch the video, pay close attention to the faces of the parents in that video and the love the siblings have for their new family members, you are witnessing God being a father to the fatherless, a defender of the weak. "The Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:17-18

On a related note...We have decided on our agency yesterday. ( Thank you, my new friend, Julie! You were so helpful as well as fun to talk to...and by the way...you're family is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! I love how God works! I believe that our meeting was totally meant to happen.) Next in the process... we're going to be buried in paperwork so if you don't see me over the next several days, weeks, etc...you'll know why. I learned that our wait for our little one(s) will be about 9-12 months so of course I'm going to dive in and get this paperwork finished sooner rather than later. I'm not the most patient person on the planet so I might be a little edgy as the months drag on. I'm just sayin,.. I may need some extra portions of grace:) As we move forward in the process, I'll give you all updates.

Have a fantastic day!

Cris