We said YES...

So...have you ever agreed to do something but you weren't really aware of what exactly you signed up for? I seem to get myself into these sort of situations frequently and it isn't until I'm completely immersed in it that I finally figure out the cost of accepting that particular task. In keeping with my usual M-O, I have jumped in head first into this adoption adventure and I'm just starting to realize the cost it is going to have on our lives. I should have known there would be a cost. I mean, come on, anytime a new child enters a new family there are several different ways to count the cost. Economically...Duh. Sleepless nights...duh. Less freedom to do whatever you want to do...duh. How about the impact the new child will have on the children you already have? Of course there is a cost associated with that. But really, how often do we consider any of these? We proceed on faith that it is all going to work out.

We're in the process of finding the agency we are going to be working with to bring our little #3 home to join our family and I the amount of challenges that that alone has placed on us is unreal. Deciding on which country was a painful process as well. This morning, as I was having a chat with God...a.k.a. prayer, it occurred to me that we are not simply adding another member to our family, He is up to something really BIG here! He has begun to reveal what He's up to behind the scenes and I'm all giggly at the glimpse of what's He's doing.

Travis and have two beautiful children through domestic adoption. Our first, Mackenzie, we adopted 13+ years ago and our second, Zachary, we adopted 10+ years ago. My heart aches rereading that. Really??? 13 years ago??? I feel like I've missed so much of what God intended all the way back 13 years ago. For so long, I have felt like I was broken, blemished, unusable which was the reason for my long-time struggle with infertility. I blamed myself for that because of past sin in my life. Surely God wanted to punish me for my choices and I didn't blame him for that. Don't we reap what we sow? I can't tell you how often I've heard those words and on some level it's true. But where is Grace???? More on that later.

When we were chosen to adopt Mackenzie, something inside of my heart believed that I wouldn't ever truly be her mom. To be honest, I didn't feel worthy of such an amazing gift. Oh, wow! What an agreement I made with the enemy! 13 years, people! And you probably guessed that I had that same response when we were blessed with our son, Zachary. When we found out about him we were elated! If you ever think for a moment that God doesn't talk to us this should cure you of that. We were asked by his birthmom if we had a name picked out and we hadn't really, although about 5 minutes prior to talking with her Travis and I had started going through some names and the name Zachary was what we liked the most out the short list we came up with. When we told her the name we were kind of thinking she was shocked because that was the name she had given to him from the beginning even though she had zero medical attention during the first and second trimester and had no idea if she were carrying a boy or a girl.

We thought it was just a weird coincidence until about 3 years after we had him with us. We discovered that the name Zachary means "God remembered" and John (his middle name) means "Gracious gift of God". I had no idea that God was trying to communicate with me that He remembered my desire for children. AND that He want me to know that I'm worthy of this gift! Let that sink in...no matter what my past looked like or what I looked like at the time, out of His graciousness He wanted to bless me anyways! AMEN!!! Wow! I may be slow on the up take but when I finally learn something...LOOK OUT!! =) Notice that I had this revelation about 7 years ago and it is only now that I'm really understanding it all. Man, am I thick headed!!!

Adoption is for all of us! (Ephesians 1:4-6) It's the way in which we are given a second chance at a better life when we chose to accept God's Gracious Gift of Christ. It is never out of a place of whether or not we deserve a clean slate but rather it is because He has chosen each of us to be His own. He chose each and every one of us even with all our faults, we are pleasing to Him! We bring Him delight. (2Samuel 22:20) I pray that anyone who happens to be reading this will take a few minutes to let these words sink in on a deeper level. I'm talking to anyone, whether you've accepted Christ into your life or if you haven't. Sometimes, I think that those of us who have Christ dwelling in us but haven't felt much in the way of grace, have a much harder time accepting this truth. I believe He aches for us to hear this message.

As for me personally....

"He settles the barren woman as a happy mother of children." Psalm 113:9

He remembered that my desire has always been to have many children and I believe that that is exactly what He intends to accomplish in my life. We said yes to venture with Him to places we never thought we'd be going to rescue more of the children that God has chosen to live in our home. We are not just simply adding more children to our lives, we are on a reconn mission. My heart fills with pain every time I think of our children waiting over there and joy over what it will mean for their hearts when they finally realize they are chosen, WANTED and Loved. It's the same feeling I'm basking in right now having realized that I am chosen, wanted and loved. I believe it is also the way God feels as we wait for our rescue not knowing that we are chosen, wanted and loved by an all loving Father. I can only imagine how His heart aches for those He has chosen from before the creation of the world to finally be united with Him. I can imagine how He aches to hear each of us call Him "Daddy". Ah, but more on that later too...

I began this post with a question... What is at stake here? What is He doing in my life through this adoption? What is the cost? Glory, my friends! It's for His glory. But not only that, He's up to renewing my heart and letting me know that my desires matter to Him! Anytime we step into a mission to allow him to bring about His glory and anytime our heart is being tended to, you can bet there is a deep cost and battle going on around us.

For me, I have to daily remember that it was by Christ's shed blood on the cross that I am His child. I have to remember the cost He paid for my life (and yours) and that He went to the ends of the earth that I might be adopted into His family. Was the cost worth it to Him? I believe He has said over and over again "Absolutely, child!" It's up to be me to believe that now and trust His heart for me. Yes, there will challenges all along this bumpy road to Ethiopia but I am certain that the treasure waiting for us over there will make it all worth it.

Now let me ask you...what venture is God asking you to join Him in? Are you willing to say yes???

Have a BLESSED day!