Reality

Isn't reality a funny thing? We are masters at creating certain expectations in our minds of how something should or would be. Those of us who are married understand this the moment our honeymoon is over. Don't get me wrong, I love marriage and I am married to the world's most amazing man. He may be reading this. =) However, there came a time when I began to realize that marriage didn't even being to resemble a fairytale, Happily-Ever-After experience. Whoa! You mean there really is work involved? He snores? He really shouldn't eat bean burritos anytime after 4pm. And more importantly, he should just know how I'm feeling, what I need, I shouldn't have to explain everything to him...right?

Reality hits hard sometimes. How about when your first baby arrives? They're soooo cute! Oh my goodness! Nothing could mess up our expectations of these little ones, right? Hmmm. 3am begins to get old, and you never did factor in that it really doesn't matter that you need sleep, too. I remember listening to Bill Cosby years ago, do a skit on having a new baby. When the baby first arrives everyone wants to change the poopy diapers. "Oh would you look at the little poo-poo! Did you make a poo-poo. Choochiecoo. " A couple months down the road it looks more like this. "Oh Man! Again! EWWW!!! Could someone else do this?" You get the picture.

Yesterday, I was visiting with my dear friend, Ruth. I'm so beyond grateful for her friendship. Her wisdom runs deep and her faith runs even deeper. Ruth adopted a BEAUTIFUL baby girl from China nearly 2 years ago. Abigail came along to play with Max and Avery (our dogs). As she entered the house the entire energy of the room changed. She is so delightful to watch. Full of joy and enthusiasm for life. The things she says are hilarious. Seriously, being raised with Three teenage boys is rubbing off on her. Good thing these are good boys =) There is just something magical about being around a toddler. Did I mention that Abigail is just about 3? She brings me joy to be around her! Everything is miracle to her! I ran into them later last night at a restaurant and when she saw me she squealed with excitement over seeing me there! Ah, she knows how to melt her Auntie's heart.

The plan for our visit was to catch up. We have been doing our best to work through a Bible study but sometimes we have to put those plans on hold. When you have a three year old you must always be willing to live on the flex plan. Our time together was spent assisting Abigail up and down the playground, helping her water my flowers, and attempting to give answers to all her "why's", as well as give a demonstration on how to operate a "hoop-a-loop". We did manage to have a conversation. We are women after all, right? We are skilled multi-taskers. Although, we are getting a bit more advanced in our years, just a wee-bit and keeping up requires more energy than we used to have.

I have been wrestling with a few different areas that God is developing my heart for possible ministry and needed her counsel on each one. I have BIG plans! And, of course, I can do it all with a newly adopted baby on my hip. Reality check please! Ruth began to lovingly and wisely point out to me that my life is going to change dramatically. Ministry...isn't being a mom a ministry? URgh! My stinky expectations are getting the better of me again! It won't be long before I will have a little one that requires the better part of all my attention running around our home. The reality of it all was literally running around in our my backyard just to illustrate the point she was trying to make.

All the freedoms I have been enjoying for the past 5 years are going to disappear rather quickly. It made me think about this adoption from a different perspective. I hope one from a closer look at reality. Every aspect of my life is going to change. But on more of a heart level...will our child bond with us? Is the risk worth it all?

Fortunately, I believe it is. Following God is always a risky venture. He doesn't take the safe road to avoid trials. He's always ready for an adventure! And He is always ready to fight for those He loves! When we agreed to following Him across the world to rescue one of His beloved's, we agreed to all that it should be, would be, could be and will be. And if He is asking me lay down my desires to step into a ministry right now I will say yes to that, too. It's all in His timing. Being a Mom is a full-time ministry as it is and why would I want anything more! Look at those cuties! They are worth every distraction, tear, late night, missed date with hubby or friend, etc.

Thanks, Ruth!!! I love you, Girl!

Another Hurtle Cleared!

Just a quick update... We finished our agency paperwork and sent that off this off to them on Monday. Once that packet is reviewed we will be assigned a caseworker and then the REAL fun begins. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the process of adopting outside our country I'll give you an aerial view of what the process looks like and then I'll show you where we are so can have some perspective on all that goes into this journey.

First step is to find an agency that works with the country you desire to adopt from. This is a lot harder than it might seem. There are many agencies but only a small handful that have strong relationships with the country. Once that decision is made you have a rather large packet of legal papers that will cement our relationship with the agency we picked.

Next, you're on to finding a homestudy provider that will spend the better part of two months learning everything there is to know about you and your family. During this process there are doctor appointments, police records are checked, financial documents are reviewed, etc. Basically, they will leave no rock unturned. If there is dirt on you, it will be found out. Once that completed and notarized it is then sent on to your agency for approval.

After that you're on to I N S paperwork to begin the process of getting your child here legally. From what I understand these are difficult papers to fill out and there US forms as well country forms. All these items will build a dossier which will eventually be sent on to your child's country to be translated and reviewed as well as...accepted...then you are sent a referral. This of course, is a brief overview.

Referral day!!!! Very exciting because it's the day we learn what our child looks like and in our case it will also be the day we learn whether we have been blessed with a boy or girl. You receive a picture, in some cases you will receive a dvd of your child, as well basic information. Health, family situation, birthday (if known), etc. On that day, if you happen to hear screaming in the distance, that'll be me rejoicing! There will be some serious celebrating going on! Once we receive that and accept the referral (like we're going to refuse), we wait for a court date to travel to the country to go before the courts to petition for adoption of our child. Once that happens we will be sent back home to wait for finalization and a call telling us we can come pick him/her up and FINALLY bring her home. I'm trying not think too much about this step because the thought of having to leave our precious little one for even a day will tear my heart out.

I'm exhausted just typing all of that and you can imagine (or know first hand ;)) how this process has the potential of draining the life out of you. Thankfully, we don't look at this from the aerial view very often but rather we are taking it one step at a time and celebrating each hurtle cleared along the journey.

We are currently finished with the agency papers but we did one step out of sequence. We already have our homestudy completed. This is HUGE! We will need to wait for our agency to review it and approve then it will need to be notarized. Still, we are deep in the process and I feel strong and hopeful about the rest of the journey. I am certain that I'm in God's will in this and that He set us on this journey. What peace comes to us when we know that we are listening to His voice and walking in obedience to it. He tells us to "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:8a. Gospel.com put it best "The Bible often tells us that when we take a step of faith, God reciprocates by giving us more than we dared to ask for. Here, we are promised that when we simply draw near to God, He responds by drawing near to us with His glorious presence. " Once I was certain that God was drawing us to adopt again I began to ask Him about that. Really?? Are You sure??? Then my prayers became petitions for another child and restored the longing I had always had for a large family. Pictures of several children began to pop into my mind and I'm positive these were from the Lord. "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children." Ps 113:9

You see, before this year, I had been clinging desperately to the hope of giving birth to a baby. I chose to remain in self-pity and; to be honest, self-loathing because I felt like less of a woman. That is such a lie from the pit of hell! Infertility can be an indescribable ache that only those of us who have (and always will) walked in can understand. Satan used that to distort what God intended/intends to use for His GLORY and kept me in a pit of despair for many years. Thank you, Lord for giving me a "hope and a future" Jer 29:11 and for awakening my heart to what YOU want for my life. I've set aside my will and have allowed His to take over and amazing things are happening in my life. Joel 2:25 says, "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten." I'm receiving that promise for my life!!

All that to say, even if this process takes longer than they are telling us, even if things get harder and harder along the way (which they will) I am going to stand firm in the promises He has given me. Our God is still the mountain-moving, miracle-working God of all and I'm waiting and watching for all the ways He's going to take my breath away along this journey. My prayer for all of you reading this is that you, too will allow your breath to be taken away. He is wooing each of us towards Him. Would you give Him a chance to steal your heart and knock your socks off?

With Love,

Cris

How I spend my spare time...

I love youtube! I plug in "gotcha day" in search and then I'm completely engrossed for a while. (I won't tell you just how time I spend watching these:) ) My heart fills with hope when I see these videos. There are 143 million orphans in the world and 4.8+ million in Ethiopia alone. As I watch these videos I see Psalm 68:5-6a coming to life. "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families." You might be wondering "where is God's holy dwelling?" If you need to go back and watch the video again to see what I'm going to say next, please do. I think we miss this point in our everyday life so often. God dwells in us...in our hearts. He is what compels us to do the things we never thought we could. It's he who makes us holy. Not by anything special we did or by any special bloodline we might think we have. When we ask Christ to make his home in our hearts and allow his Spirit to move us as he pleases then amazing things are sure to happen. As you watch the video, pay close attention to the faces of the parents in that video and the love the siblings have for their new family members, you are witnessing God being a father to the fatherless, a defender of the weak. "The Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:17-18

On a related note...We have decided on our agency yesterday. ( Thank you, my new friend, Julie! You were so helpful as well as fun to talk to...and by the way...you're family is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! I love how God works! I believe that our meeting was totally meant to happen.) Next in the process... we're going to be buried in paperwork so if you don't see me over the next several days, weeks, etc...you'll know why. I learned that our wait for our little one(s) will be about 9-12 months so of course I'm going to dive in and get this paperwork finished sooner rather than later. I'm not the most patient person on the planet so I might be a little edgy as the months drag on. I'm just sayin,.. I may need some extra portions of grace:) As we move forward in the process, I'll give you all updates.

Have a fantastic day!

Cris

We said YES...

So...have you ever agreed to do something but you weren't really aware of what exactly you signed up for? I seem to get myself into these sort of situations frequently and it isn't until I'm completely immersed in it that I finally figure out the cost of accepting that particular task. In keeping with my usual M-O, I have jumped in head first into this adoption adventure and I'm just starting to realize the cost it is going to have on our lives. I should have known there would be a cost. I mean, come on, anytime a new child enters a new family there are several different ways to count the cost. Economically...Duh. Sleepless nights...duh. Less freedom to do whatever you want to do...duh. How about the impact the new child will have on the children you already have? Of course there is a cost associated with that. But really, how often do we consider any of these? We proceed on faith that it is all going to work out.

We're in the process of finding the agency we are going to be working with to bring our little #3 home to join our family and I the amount of challenges that that alone has placed on us is unreal. Deciding on which country was a painful process as well. This morning, as I was having a chat with God...a.k.a. prayer, it occurred to me that we are not simply adding another member to our family, He is up to something really BIG here! He has begun to reveal what He's up to behind the scenes and I'm all giggly at the glimpse of what's He's doing.

Travis and have two beautiful children through domestic adoption. Our first, Mackenzie, we adopted 13+ years ago and our second, Zachary, we adopted 10+ years ago. My heart aches rereading that. Really??? 13 years ago??? I feel like I've missed so much of what God intended all the way back 13 years ago. For so long, I have felt like I was broken, blemished, unusable which was the reason for my long-time struggle with infertility. I blamed myself for that because of past sin in my life. Surely God wanted to punish me for my choices and I didn't blame him for that. Don't we reap what we sow? I can't tell you how often I've heard those words and on some level it's true. But where is Grace???? More on that later.

When we were chosen to adopt Mackenzie, something inside of my heart believed that I wouldn't ever truly be her mom. To be honest, I didn't feel worthy of such an amazing gift. Oh, wow! What an agreement I made with the enemy! 13 years, people! And you probably guessed that I had that same response when we were blessed with our son, Zachary. When we found out about him we were elated! If you ever think for a moment that God doesn't talk to us this should cure you of that. We were asked by his birthmom if we had a name picked out and we hadn't really, although about 5 minutes prior to talking with her Travis and I had started going through some names and the name Zachary was what we liked the most out the short list we came up with. When we told her the name we were kind of thinking she was shocked because that was the name she had given to him from the beginning even though she had zero medical attention during the first and second trimester and had no idea if she were carrying a boy or a girl.

We thought it was just a weird coincidence until about 3 years after we had him with us. We discovered that the name Zachary means "God remembered" and John (his middle name) means "Gracious gift of God". I had no idea that God was trying to communicate with me that He remembered my desire for children. AND that He want me to know that I'm worthy of this gift! Let that sink in...no matter what my past looked like or what I looked like at the time, out of His graciousness He wanted to bless me anyways! AMEN!!! Wow! I may be slow on the up take but when I finally learn something...LOOK OUT!! =) Notice that I had this revelation about 7 years ago and it is only now that I'm really understanding it all. Man, am I thick headed!!!

Adoption is for all of us! (Ephesians 1:4-6) It's the way in which we are given a second chance at a better life when we chose to accept God's Gracious Gift of Christ. It is never out of a place of whether or not we deserve a clean slate but rather it is because He has chosen each of us to be His own. He chose each and every one of us even with all our faults, we are pleasing to Him! We bring Him delight. (2Samuel 22:20) I pray that anyone who happens to be reading this will take a few minutes to let these words sink in on a deeper level. I'm talking to anyone, whether you've accepted Christ into your life or if you haven't. Sometimes, I think that those of us who have Christ dwelling in us but haven't felt much in the way of grace, have a much harder time accepting this truth. I believe He aches for us to hear this message.

As for me personally....

"He settles the barren woman as a happy mother of children." Psalm 113:9

He remembered that my desire has always been to have many children and I believe that that is exactly what He intends to accomplish in my life. We said yes to venture with Him to places we never thought we'd be going to rescue more of the children that God has chosen to live in our home. We are not just simply adding more children to our lives, we are on a reconn mission. My heart fills with pain every time I think of our children waiting over there and joy over what it will mean for their hearts when they finally realize they are chosen, WANTED and Loved. It's the same feeling I'm basking in right now having realized that I am chosen, wanted and loved. I believe it is also the way God feels as we wait for our rescue not knowing that we are chosen, wanted and loved by an all loving Father. I can only imagine how His heart aches for those He has chosen from before the creation of the world to finally be united with Him. I can imagine how He aches to hear each of us call Him "Daddy". Ah, but more on that later too...

I began this post with a question... What is at stake here? What is He doing in my life through this adoption? What is the cost? Glory, my friends! It's for His glory. But not only that, He's up to renewing my heart and letting me know that my desires matter to Him! Anytime we step into a mission to allow him to bring about His glory and anytime our heart is being tended to, you can bet there is a deep cost and battle going on around us.

For me, I have to daily remember that it was by Christ's shed blood on the cross that I am His child. I have to remember the cost He paid for my life (and yours) and that He went to the ends of the earth that I might be adopted into His family. Was the cost worth it to Him? I believe He has said over and over again "Absolutely, child!" It's up to be me to believe that now and trust His heart for me. Yes, there will challenges all along this bumpy road to Ethiopia but I am certain that the treasure waiting for us over there will make it all worth it.

Now let me ask you...what venture is God asking you to join Him in? Are you willing to say yes???

Have a BLESSED day!

Oh Dear!!!!

Well, it's official...I'm totally hooked on this bloggy thing. I had no idea how much fun this could be! Thanks to my big sis, Ruth for getting me hooked.

So, some of you may be asking "What on earth are you thinking adopting again???". I know, it seems a bit like a mid-life crisis thing. But anyone who really knows me, knows that they need't worry about that until you see the racy red hot rod in my driveway. Those who know me also know that I've never really felt like God has said, "You're done." so this shouldn't be too much of a surprise.

About three years ago I began to feel like the Lord was trying to open my heart up to the possibility to adopt another child and that this child would be coming from far away. This was not what Travis hearing however so we decided at that time to close the door on that. You know, God is patient. He's also very persistent when He has a certain path for us to take. We can choose to ignore or walk away from His leading but He will continue to remind us where He wants us to go. This was totally the case with our decision to adopt again.

I began to dream about little children of different races living in our home and calling me "Mama". I couldn't ignore it anymore. About that time I began to read some challenging books that really called me to step into the Spirits leading and to allow Him access to control over my life. "Your will be done."... YIKES!!! This is crazy concept for most. And it's been a painful process for me to relinquish the control I thought I had over my life. I've had to face just how deep my need for control was once I made the decision to really listen to Him. (By the way...I'm still working on this. Pretty sure that will be an on-going thing)

There are so many things that have happened along the three years that it took to get us to this point and I'll be sharing some along the way with my bloggy friends. Just know that I'm convinced that God is doing an incredible thing in my heart as well the rest of our family and I'm praying that as you journey with us you'll be blessed as well!

I have one favor to ask of you....Would you partner with us in prayer? We know this is a long and often very hard road to walk along and we covet any and all prayers you could send up on our behalf as well for our babies. I so badly want him/her to begin to feel my heart for them and know that they are WANTED!!!

Thanks!!! May your day be BLESSED!!!

Welcome to our blog...

Thanks for stopping by! Buckle your seat belts because you are in for a bumpy ride. When we say "yes" to the Lord's calling on our lives we are saying "yes" to the adventure of our lives! Our God is not boring and He loves to surprise us so we are certain this adventure will not be any different. We are excited to be on the road to Ethiopia and we invite you to stay with us throughout the entire journey.